Well we shall see what i find on the net i.e good music videos and freestyles so expect a lot of westwood shows on here which is always a good thing... and maybe a chimpanze on a segway... oh and lets not forget my daily thoughts on things that pass through my mind which can be good or bad depends how you want to lookat things.

Friday 31 July 2009

The bitter reality of facebook by kingpin

The more and more I hear friends and co-workers praise Facebook, the more I start to question who I surround myself with. It's always the same story: "Bro, I just found my old buddy from school on Facebook! I haven't spoken to him in years! Facebook is the sheeeee-it like that." That's cool, you found your old friend on Facebook. But then what? What happens after that? Do you guys get together and hang out like you did in school? Nope. You both have careers and a different life than you had in school. So what do you do? You tolerate him on Facebook until you finally decide to cut the cord. Here's a couple of typical scenarios of finding someone you went to school with:



Scenario #1: The old friend.

April 7 - You sign into Facebook and see a new friend request. You click it and see that it's a guy you hung out with in school, but afterwards you went separate ways and you didn't keep in touch because you're both a couple of dickheads and really never thought they were that interesting.

INNER THOUGHT: Oh, shit! Man, I haven't seen him in forever! I wonder what he's up to.

So you send your old buddy Bob a message. You tell him all about what's going on in your life now, where you work and how awesome everything is.

April 8 - You sign into Facebook and see that Bob sent you a reply. He tells you about all the things in his life, where he works, who he married and how awesome everything is. He asks if you ever see anyone from the old "gang" and you smile to yourself thinking about it, because you're a sack of shit and that's all it takes to make you smile now...reminiscing. You reply back that you occasionally talk to a few guys and you let him know that some of the other guys are on Facebook.

April 9 - You sign into Facebook and see that Bob has sent a reply. It's short and to the point: "Cool." You nod to yourself and go about your business of updating your status to let everyone know that you are making Ackee and Saltfish and then become a fan of being a fan of things. Douche! This is the last time you will ever hear from Bob in a written message. You guys caught up on things and that's it. It's done.

April 10 - You have a new notification. Bob sent you a drink. You accept and send a drink back because that's cool, right?

April 11 - Bob wants to you join his mob! You sign to yourself and join his mob.

April 12 - Bob sent you a flesh coloured butterfly. Bob sent you a cocktail. Bob sent you a neon ant farm. Bob wants to go on safari with you. Bob picked his 5 favourite bra sizes, pick yours now! Bob became a fan of being a fan of things, too! Bob challenged you to a quiz on 1980's board games. Steve poked you. Click here to poke Steve back. Steve scored 93% on the "How heterosexual are you?" quiz. (Wait...what? 93%?) Bob sent you a Care Bear. Bob sent you a...........you are no longer friends with Bob.



Scenario #2: The guy you went to school with that was kind of a dick and ran with a different crowd than you.

April 7 - You sign into Facebook and see a new friend request. You click it and see that it's a guy you went to school with. You didn't really know him that well and he was really just a dickhead in school. On more than one occasion you hoped that he would get raped. And not the good kind of rape where you scream at first, but then you kind of like how it feels and almost convince yourself not to file a police report, but you do because of how dirty your soul feels. That kind of rape.

INNER THOUGHT: What the fuck? How does this guy even know how to use a computer? Seriously!

So you write on Tom's wall because he's not message worthy and simply say what's up to him.

April 8 - You sign into Facebook and see that Tom wrote "Not much." on your wall. Fucking asshole!

April 9 - Tom sent you a Guinness. Tom sent you a cocktail. Tom sent you a bag of rocks. Tom wants to go on safari with you. Tom picked his 5 favourite animals, pick yours now! Tom became a fan of being a fan of things! Tom challenged you to a quiz on celebrity nut sacks. Tom poked you. Click here to poke Tom back. Tom scored 47% on the "How heterosexual are you?" quiz. (Wait...what? 47%?) Tom sent you a fucking Glow Worm. Tom sent you a...........you are no longer friends with Tom.



The only difference between finding an old friend from school and the biggest dickhead from school is the amount of time between meeting them and removing them from your friends. You see, I have this other way of keeping up with my old buddies. It's this sweet little device called a Mobile Phone. It's small enough to fit in my pocket and from it, I can message friends, talk to them, send them an e-mail or remove them from my Facebook friends for being a douche bag. If you are worthy of me keeping in touch with, you will be in my contacts list. Isn't technology great?

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